I don't usually write notes here (I'm not even sure if anyone will see this) but I thought since this is a platform for artists/aspiring artists I guess I can write here because I am sure people here go through the same dilemma. Sometimes I wonder if I am even an artist but of course what makes an artist an artist is subjective...

As an art student, life indeed is far from a bed of roses, we can't just do "anything we like" (defying the popular misconception), right now I'm so bummed out I keep getting pieces of advice from lecturers that are usually polar opposites. There comes the question "Who should I listen to?" While it may always seem like the rosiest answer to "go with your instinct" maybe sometimes personal instinct isn't always the best because we are often blind to our own mistakes. I know it sounds shallow but at times I feel like I follow certain pieces of advice just so I won't get a bad grade, even if I don't necessarily agree with it. Grades aren't everything but a part of me would not like to see a C on my report card and neither would my mother, it's difficult because I need to maintain a grade that grants me a scholarship because school fees are pretty high and I don't want to burden my mother with it.

Although it is widely believed that artists are all open minded it's not always true, I've been meeting very rigid, by the book artists here and they only want things to be done in a certain style which is frustrating because it may not be a style/aesthetic I like. It's frustrating to be constantly compared to anime and manga, not because I dislike it (I do enjoy those with good stories!) but because I am not taken seriously because I am categorized under it. It has also been said that the way I look and the way I dress will hinder me. But, it has also been said how different I am from most other students makes me unique and more interesting. It has been said that what I think is my personal style is not my style and just an appropriation of what I like. But, It has also been said that I have a strong personal individual aesthetic which is special. I get a lot of mixed comments and critiques. While I would love to listen to flattery, criticism of it is always more important and has to be examined as well.
So sometimes when I feel lost and in need a confidence boost I come here and reread the notes and comments people leave for me and feel better for myself. As terribly superficial as it sounds, it helps.

I have met artists who understand where I am coming from and appreciate my work but there comes the dreaded question, who is grading me? Those who like my work or those who have their reservations? I can't please everyone but I would like to be able to do so. At this point assessment is barely 2 weeks away I am feeling less than confident and torn because I just don't know who to listen to. Every classmate I've spoken to so far has given me this piece of advice, to trust my instinct and go with what I want, but a part of me still wants to ensure that both sides will enjoy the final outcome and not just one.

I don't think this is a complaint but more of an inner struggle and dilemma for me because I appreciate everything that they have told me and I know that they want nothing more than to help me improve and I do enjoy doing art more than fashion but life is never a smooth sailing ride and right now I've hit a storm, I can only hope my ship doesn't sink but somehow finds it's way to safe shores.


(I know I need more punctuation but I rattle off when I talk in real life and when I type, sorry!)